This is it, I guess. i really want to seek the end of this ever-winding road. this torture-trap of my mind. this prison of unexplicable heartache. I NEED FREEDOM. i need tranquility. i need a place to just be me. i need home. i need a rock. i need some time to just let go. I’ve been ignoring you for far too long. You can’t have a stranglehold on me anymore. I submit. I must admit. this isnt really how i pictured it. I though it died all those times i cried. i thought my world had left my side. I am a shell. a broken place. a heartless heartland without a face. I need relief. i need real peace. i need something that makes me see. That i am loved. father above. carry me through this night please come. and make me who i’m meant to be never let me just recede. to the easy road. the path most taken. never worry but never make it. I must accept my spiritual death. and just let go of what was left. Only through You am i truly free. You give me life. you let me see. that love abounds in everything. I will never forget what you did for me. I AM YOURS. please lift my head from this pit that makes feel like im dead. i need a life. i need the right. to reclaim what was taken that night. my heart. my mind. renew a right spirit. make You the reason i have joy and want to be living. You said “I love you and always will, never fear, my son.” if you get lost along the way just remember John 14:1.
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Breathe. just breathe. Everything’s gonna be just fine… I promise. all you have to do is hold on. hold on to me. hold me close… i can hear your heartbeat. It screams for life. It yells of the existence it longs for. remember to just breathe. Don’t take me for granted as the sickening streets of this age come to close around your ever darkening eyes. Remember me in the dark times. When you’ve no where else to turn. When the road stops. when the lights end. remember me for who I was and who we wanted to be. I took for granted so much. Lost it all and in the end managed to survive. Fear nothing. It’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re going. That’s what they used to say… to much recollection poisons our future. we cannot be who we are “us” as it were with their doctrinal knives sticking from our bleeding backs. we carry on and tarry for no one. I gave it all. and for what? It feels only like yesterday when we were just kids. sitting and watching the sunset. What we had then. irreplaceable simplicity… you are my greatest ally and my best friend. I just wish I knew how to tell you… I’d ride with you to the very end of the world. you make my life so much better to live. you inspire me in more ways than ever. I’m so sorry to have ever let us even entertain ideas of losing. we are forever. we are united….
you can literally ask me anything
ok so… today I have my LAST final. thank God. But that’s not what i wanna get to today. Today’s topic is much deeper than that. What is it in life that we all stand for? What do we truly seek after and strive for? For some i guess the obvious pursuit of a good time is the answer. They are so wrapped up in what they feel can help them achieve some “elevated” state, but, in the end, its all for naught. Yesterday’s night time revelries are today’s biggest regrets. Others still so adamantly seek wealth. they require that their existence consist of money and possessions; but when you think about it, what good does that do? not much I’ll say. When its all over, what do they really have left? I need something more. More than a great time, more than money more than just an idea or an apparition of what once was my life. I need something that is truly and eternally valuable. LOVE. It drives. its intoxicating. At the best times it envelopes me in warm ecstasy, but at the worst times, it takes a stranglehold around my neck. I think, in life, that’s really what is most valuable. Not about what I can achieve the most of, or if it always presents me with good feelings. No, I think what makes it most valuable is its REALITY. It gives me great courage to know that, at the end of the day, love is as unpredictable as it was in the beginning. Sure, I’ve had my heart broken and trashed by giving love to a false holder; but that, to me at least, is just part of life. It is the learning from those mistakes that makes me better able to truly understand love. Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve been waiting to give my love to one who truly deserves it because there was one who truly gave it to me unconditionally. I so long for her to come along in my life so i can show her how much i actually love her. With all that I am. Even though i don’t know her, I can already feel the chemistry between us. It’s liberating. I can’t wait to finally meet you and show you just how important you are. To wrap up, its like i said in the beginning, we as a people need something far more important than material possessions or one time wonders. anyway, that’s all for now…
ok so…. i just realized that i have frozen pizzas in my freezer. Im pretty much the happiest guy in the world right now
